// Jian Bin gets baby fever
04 May 2019

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Summary: After getting hitched to the love of his life, General Qi Zi Kan, Jian Bin is as happy as ever. However, when Empress Li sends their three children over to be looked after while their fourth child is ill, he gets the dreaded baby fever. General Qi doesn’t know how to console his ‘wife’ who realises he can’t be like the Empress and give his lover biological offsprings, luckily he meets a medicine merchant who promises to help him.

Jian Bin was a mess, but seemed happy despite having dirty clothes and tangly hair. Zhimeng and Zhizheng ran around like little bunnies, rolling in mud and gathering dew from the grass, and Ling shamelessly exploited the royal kitchen for sweet deserts, altogether chaotic. “Zheng! Stop pulling Kan’s fur, and Meng, you can’t ride on the royal guard dog like that!!! How does your Mama deal with you three?”, he yelled in exasperation. General Qi watched over the balcony of his military office fondly, enjoying being able to see his lover laugh and feel like a normal person with kids, and the thought of sharing a bath to clean up.

Dinner was substantially different when there were hyper children at the table, and the food that Ling charmed the royal kitchen to make was completely different to what they were usually. Zheng, Meng and Ling ate with gusto, clearing a good half of the finger snacks and meat by themselves, while General Qi let Jian Bin lean on his shoulder, the other guy was almost asleep from playing with their little guests and adorably rosy cheeked from the massive amount of exercise he had to do chasing the twins. “Thank you for dinner uncle Bin Bin, can uncle Qi carry us to bed? We’re all too tired and full up to walk, please uncle Qi?”, Ling pleaded, wide brown eyes blinking cutely. He tried to resist the coercion, but like the hardened royal kitchen staff, gave in to the girls plea.

Meng passed out as soon as his little purple haired head hit the pillows, Ling curled up cutely and fell asleep cuddling her stuffed cat doll, and Zheng wanted a story from his other uncle or else. General Qi was arguing that his uncle needed to rest because he was tired by all of their energetic games, when the King, post bath of course, silently knelt by Zheng’s mini futon like a ninja and started reciting a bedtime story about a King and princess with very long hair. [A/N: Shameless self promotion lol!!] The story put the little devil at ease, lulling him to a peaceful sleep where he dreamed about returning home to his Mama, Baba and little brother Zhang. The experience also stuck itself into the General’s mind, captivated by how kind and comforting his Jian Bin was, and briefly made him sad they wouldn’t have children.

After the King and Empress of Tianquan came to pick up their children, there was a feeling of lackluster in the palace. No more squeals, muddy clothes and cute puppy eyes to corece cooks into making sweets, just boring court business and hard work. The ones who felt this silence the worst were of course the King and General, having been the main caretakers of the troublesome trio, and obviously felt the biggest impact of the young three leaving to go home sweet Tianquan. General Qi knew that although Jian Bin wasn’t eating less or sleeping too badly, something was wrong and it was linked to the subject of children. This was a touchy subject he didn’t want to discuss, for rather obvious reasons.

During the week following the departure of the Tianquan heirs, the General enquired with all of the medicine dealers if it was possible for a drug to make a man able to bear children like a woman. The Tianji physicians and herbalists were unable to answer him, unsure of how to remedy such a unique request, genuinely confused by the very idea a man wanting to bear a child. He was going to give up on the seemingly impossible quest, but a woman who he had never seen before popped up out of nowhere, stroking his right cheek with a finely manicured hand that could beat a noble woman.

“You are the high General of Tianji, also the King’s husband, and apparently an eager father to a child of rare origin. Am I not correct, Qi Zi Kan?”, she whispered slyly. General Qi didn’t know quite how to respond, to this strange fortune telling woman who might be of help to him, “Yes, keep it a secret or I will be forced to punish you for being light lipped about private royal affairs though. You seem like someone who knows something helpful, care to indulge me in your knowledge madam?”, he replied calmly. She laughed, dragging him by the arm to a small house, presumably hers. Thank the lord Jian Bin was a good wife that didn’t track his movements, otherwise he would have been in so much trouble for appearing to go into a woman’s house.

The woman was a medicine merchant from the western lands, fair of skin and strong enough to drag him home, but most importantly, wise. She told him she was previously a storyteller but had gained mystic powers that made her a name for fortune telling. All she handed him was a pouch of herbs, that would apparently prepare the male body to carry an unborn child for nine months like a woman. “Infuse these herbs in a pot of tea that only he shall drink, then make long and slow love for the night, to give the chance for the herbs acting in his body to absorb your essence. It may not appear to work for a few weeks, but patience bears fruit my dear friend. Come back if anything goes wrong so I can help.”, she said quickly, then threw him out. The General was kind of confused to be honest, but she was the only person to even try to help him, so it would be worth a try probably. He would do anything to make his beloved wife happy.

Jian Bin had no idea what his husband was thinking of sending him a pot of tea that nobody else could drink, but heck, he married the guy even though it was basically wrong for a King to marry his own high General, what difference did a pot of tea make in their extremely trustful relationship. The tea was really nice when it was hot, and the weather was starting to get colder, so naturally he drank the whole pot without thinking against it, realising there must have been some kind of alcohol or aphrodisiac in it, because he suddenly wanted to get it on with his husband. Blinded by lust, he made his way to their secret revendous point between the two buildings, and jumped into bed with his lover, who was waiting there impatiently. They made slow and unusually satisfying love for the whole night, as the medicine woman told her customer, and the general hoped soon there would be good signs.

Till a month after the hot night, nothing happened, except the king was more horny than before, but that could easily happen without the influence of drugs, as his mood generally changed from time to time. It was only when they were having a late night drink and his lover looked more sick and pained than usual when he worshipped the porcelain throne [A/N: The toilet btw, poor Jian Bin be worshipping it a lot if he has kids, which if course he will.], and the maids called the royal physician in panic when their King wouldn’t wake up, that he recieved proof of the medicine working. The poor physician thought he was going mad, hearing two pulses in his patient, who was very clearly a man, like a pregnant woman. “This may sound stupid, but his majesty is with child, there are two pulses in his body.”, the man reported nervously, awaiting punishment for idiocy, that never came over the silent tears of happiness both men cried.

Jian Bin could not quite believe what he was told by the royal physician, only fully trusting the unexpected diagnosis when he was sick again and couldn’t stand the scent of chicken, of all the foods possible. There was also the slight rounding of his face and thin middle, which General Qi was conflicted over what to say about, as he heard pregnant women got very touchy if they were told they were gaining weight, so he sought advice from the King of Tianquan, who obviously knew how to sweet talk his baby Mama judging by their four kids and probably more. ‘Just don’t tell him he’s fat, NEVER say your expecting wife is fat EVER! I still feel the pain from the book Xiao Li threw at me when I accidentally agreed with his wailing he was fat, it hurt so bad it serves as a reminder every time his clothes get small and I quickly and secretly replace them with bigger sized clothes’ Zhiming wrote. The general looked around nervously at the bulky items around the room and shuddered at the thought of a white jade dragon candle holder being flung at him. Zhiming was kinda dumb sometimes, but he trusted him with the topic of surviving the hormones of your pregnant wife.

Alas poor General Qi had a slip of the toungue one particularly tiring day. They were getting ready for bed, sleeping together because apparently the baby only settled when it’s Ma and Ba were together, more likely the King wanting the company of his husband, and he accidentally agreed Jian Bin was getting fat. It was purely due to not completely listening to the conversation, but boy, he knew he fucked up when the same white jade dragon candle holder he was trembling at previously hit his right cheek, indeed as painful as Zhiming described. “You think I’m fat? Goddamit you ass it’s thanks to you I’m getting fat, stupid sperm. Sleep with the cat tonight, that isn’t chubby and round, then bring me mangoes for tomorrow’s breakfast.”, Jian Bin shouted, terrifying his lover. Never before was the King so scary, and he knew now that you should not tell a pregnant person they were gaining weight, or risk death, he thought as he made his way to his lonely bedroom in the military compound.

The King woke up early in the morning, gingerly patting the small swell of his stomach, still getting used to carrying a child, and promptly ran outside to vomit everything he had eaten the night before. Ah the joys of being pregnant, he thought, seriously regretting his own words for a moment as he took a mouthful of cold tea to take the nasty taste of old black bean beef, but then he thought of how happy the rulers of Tianquan were, and how he could be that happy. “Xiao Bin, I bought mangoes! The man selling me them promises they were the best in Tianji.”, the general sang happily, not noticing the limp mess that was his wife kneeling on the grass. He did a double take at the gross mess on the grass, and the pale sweaty King, sighing sympathetically as he handed the bag of fruit to a maid and picked Jian Bin up carefully.

He was going to call the physician, because his little wife was so ill looking and weak, but said wife was the one to stop him. “It’s normal, in maybe two months I can be healthy and functional, for now I need to go to daily court. The minsters can’t suspect that I don’t care about Tianji, that would be a disaster, help me dress in my court robes.”, he argued rather pathetically. “If you insist, but if you seem sick the servants are to call me right away. The country will go to ruin if their King is incapacitated as well as if he slightly neglects royal duties to nurse his precious health.”, General Qi replied sternly. When Jian Bin was being dressed, he noted that his sideways silouhette had a tiny bump in the middle, and although the dark outer robe and layers of loose fabric smoothed his figure, it would not be long till they had to tell everyone.

Court was adjourned after a thoroughly efficient discussion of how to compensate some farmers who had been affected by floods, and no one even suspected why the General was standing closer to the King than usual. General Qi took Jian Bin by the hand out to the pavillion over the bridge, where a feast prepared by the kitchen awaited consumption, consisting of everything the King loved and no chicken. The King’s eyes sparkled at the sight of so much mouth watering food, and he wasted no time digging into beef marinated in ginger and fruit salad. As he stuffed as much as he could whilst being mildly elegant, he thought about the baby they had created, and how to tell the court he was both married and expecting. The general saw that his wife was thinking hard about something, but what could it be? Court ended with the conclusion of the flood matter, and no outstanding incidents took place.

“I’m going to stop hiding, tomorrow, I will announce in court that I married you and we are having an heir. You will also become my male consort, in place of having another King to avoid serious criticism.”, Jian Bin announced suddenly. The general had to think twice, not believing the first time he heard it, because in the middle of a cuddle was not the time he expected a major decision to be made. “Really? You would do that for me, risk your reputation and safety when you need it the most?”, he asked. The King nodded, shuffling down so he was covered by the comforter and wrapped in his husband’s arms like the other man was his blanket. “I know I could risk everything I have, but by not doing anything, I risk losing the most important thing, the chance to have a proper family. Baby needs a stable environment even now, because I need stability, if I confess everything, most likely nothing will change, and the court can support me by taking care of itself when I can’t.”, his wife explained simply.

[A/N: if you are thinking angst is coming it so isn’t, there’s enough of that in the actual drama lol. This book is full of pure mind bending fluff only!]

Ministers piled into the courtroom, chatting about the new maids bought in to work in the royal kitchen, idly standing in groups. They all bowed to their King however, acknowledging his presence politely, since he had literally worked himself sick once upon a time to be a good ruler, and would sacrifice his happiness for his country. “Loyal subjects, today is a very important day. For several reasons of which I will tell you, the first, is that it is me and General Qi’s first wedding anniversary, we got married in secret a year ago. Secondly, I am carrying the heir of Tianji Kingdom. Third, I am making high General Qi my consort as he is the father of the Kingdom’s heir.”, Jian Bin stated calmly. Everyone gasped, whispering among themselves. Minister Feng stepped out, bowing politely, “We knew of your majesty’s wedding from lord Gongsun of Tianxuan, and wish General Qi a pleasant reign as consort and father to the heir of Tianji. Your majesty has sacrificed much for the benefit of the people, it is only right you receive equal rewards from the heavens.”, he said.

Pleasantly surprised by the response he got from people he thought would dispute the validity of his claim to the throne, the King happily wrote invitations to Lin Guang and Zhiming’s kingdoms for his husband’s crowning ceremony. The ceremony was to be held in a months time, coinciding with the last day he would be in court. The ministers, grateful for the guidance Jian Bin had given Tianji, gave him an extended vacation to rest up for birthing the royal heir, and promised to govern the country in his place for trivial matters like managing the villages. Of course, the General and King’s first though was to go out on a date in the town, like before minus the alcohol and lap dance since a growing baby made its Mama’s middle grow at the same time and lap dances were not so easy that way. Jian Bin would return to the palace once every two weeks to hold court at his insistence that he should still govern the country even if he did it from afar, and would be checked up by the royal physician before returning to the General’s mansion in the mountains.

The morning of the coronation was busy, like really busy. Not for General Qi and Jian Bin though, who took their sweet time getting dressed and eating breakfast so the happy Mama didn’t miss out on nutrients. Jian Bin had by now accepted his ever growing waistline, and started to embrace it, wearing embroidered white robes that made him look ever so angelic and healthy, but royal at the same time, according to his husband, and General Qi struggled with the royal robes the King was used to. He was fussed over endlessly, winding up sitting on the bed having his hair done by his wife, who deftly braided and pinned his long black hair into an unnecessarily fancy style. Empress Li popped in just before they left to the court, cooing over how domestic they looked, helping each other get ready for the day’s events. [A/N: Seriously, even in the drama they were like husband and wife to me! The King took care of the country and the General did the majority of the fighting, so husband and wife it hurt to see.]

[A/N: I don’t actually know buck shit about royal Chinese ceremonies but assume it was like the coronation of a King/Queen, because I wanna write cross dressing Jian Bin in town again very soon.]

*Le ceremony takes place, general is consort yada yada time for more fluff!*

Im the dining hall, Minister Feng of Foreign Affairs consumed too much wine and gave Minister Wang of Finance a lap dance, Minister Wei of military training flirted his way into palace guard Chi’s bed, and clumsy cook Xia Yao seduced stoic Captain Yuan Zong. Meanwhile, the King and his newly crowned Consort made love, had a bath in the mountain spring, and ate professionally cooked food, like on their vacation but slower and less active to suit the changing circumstances of the wife. “Xiao Qi, it’s been a fleeting love affair, with many ups and downs, but I still love you and how well you know my huge appetite. I’m going to be so fat if this keeps on, soon I’ll have to roll around on the floor to go from the bedroom to the bathroom.”, Jian Bin joked cheerily, shoving beef in his mouth like it was gonna disappear if he stopped.

Consort Qi smiled, “Then I’ll carry you, because you are carrying our little pride and joy and I will definitely take excellent care of my family. You were too skinny before Xiao Bin, it wasn’t healthy how thin you got sometimes, so getting bit of meat on you now is good, as you eat for baby too.”, he replied. Tears of happiness gathered in Jian Bin’s eyes, greatly alarming the general who stupidly thought he had upset his lover. “Xiao Bin, I’m sorry for calling you fat! Please don’t cry!”, he begged pitifully. The King rolled his eyes irritably, “You stupid idiot, I’m crying because I’m so happy! I have you, a supportive court and a little us, it’s everything I could want in my life right now. Come here and hug me you big fool, or I might actually cry.” The general did the order diligently, picking up his wife and sitting them both down, the King in his lap, still eating while getting a very satisfying belly rub.

Baby shopping was always something that looked so easy, and so the couple free from palace duties thought they would try and experience all the joys of parenting they had heard about from female friends and family. The first was making the baby, they checked that off straight away, the second was feeling their child kick, not yet but soon they would be able to say they did that, and the fourth was shopping for the new baby. This meant buying little clothes, little towels, cloth diapers and all the other things a new baby needed, but they failed to factor in their situation, very unique circumstances and all, and realised that preparing themselves was much harder than letting others do it. Actually going to town was just as enjoyable, dressed as a noble man and his pregnant wife of course, and they stopped at the same restaurant they ate at when Jian Bin first saw the town for himself, for the memories and the great food.

Buying baby clothes wasn’t as easy as people made it sound, when you had to purchase the cloth, then pay someone to sew it or spend a lot of time sewing by hand. Therefore, Consort Qi persuaded his wife to let the palace wardrobe staff make the majority of the important clothes, like the tiny undergarments, and said Jian Bin could make some special occasion outfits that didn’t require much activity but lots of detail. The King accepted this, knowing that there would be plenty of time where he wouldn’t want to get out of bed and still want something to occupy his wandering mind, and instead, they bought hairbands and other little accessories to justify leaving the warm mansion. The grandpa on the stall remarked that the child was already loved and would be pampered rotten, observing the smiles on the happy couples faces, who forgot that the man thought the King was actually a woman.

“Are you sure about going back to the palace for court Xiao Bin? Lately you found it hard to move around, and umm, baby is quite large and you are still a bit delicate, so it probably isn’t a good idea going to a stressful environment and a place with a lot of walking.”, Consort Qi asked tactfully. His wife was determined to keep his promise of looking over court occasionally, even if it caused him slight discomfort, and his husband was trying his best to dissuade him without hurting his fragile lover’s feelings. The King frowned and death glared his way, trying to fit an old white court robe over his expanding middle section to no avail. “I can’t help but worry about Tianji, and I am responsible for my country’s condition. I promise you that if this court is fine, I will definitely stay home till baby is born and not strain my body at all, just let me ease the concern once and for all?”, Jian Bin replied irritably. The consort reluctantly nodded, insisting he used the opportunity to see the royal physician before returning, secretly hoping to find out more about if baby had a sibling like Meng and Zheng, or of if their child was big boned.

The ministers had actually been quite good, and there wasn’t that much to discuss, except a few new relationships that turned the gathering of interlectuals into a ladies gossip meeting that featured the Finance and Foreign Affairs ministers sleeping together, the cook and Captain Yuan getting it together, and Minister Wei of military training hooking up with the bodyguard of the Finance Minster. Jian Bin was relieved that he could relax and take a step back from the throne for a few months to focus on resting for the sake of their child, and still have a country to come back to. When the Consort indicated to his wife that it was time to see the royal physician before their carriage arrived, he reluctantly said his goodbyes and promised to come back to the palace with an heir and in good health. They all told him of course to take his time and enjoy the rest at the Consort’s mansion, and to send him letters updating him on palace events and who was sleeping with who like a bunch of teenage girls in male bodies.

“I dare say his majesty has twins, don’t take my word but there is another heartbeat now. Please take care of his majesty, Consort Qi, plenty of food and bed rest for when he is fatigued. Feel free to send a letter to the palace at any time and I or an apprentice will come as soon as possible to aid any ailment you or his majesty suffer from.”, the old physician said politely. Jian Bin looked teary eyed, understandable when you had just been informed of two babies instead of one, and buried his head in his husband’s robes to muffle his joyful tears. Consort Qi patted his head and rubbed his back gently, as if comforting a child, and carried the sleepy King out to the carriage, bidding the physician farewell on behalf of his lover.

A hot basket of lunch dishes was waiting in the kitchen, but the Consort byspassed the kitchen to the bedroom, to put his sleeping wife in bed to rest properly. Jian Bin was cute when he slept, not that he wasn’t cute awake, but especially adorable snoring softly under the comforter with his hair sprayed over the pillows and a hand on his stomach under the layers of silk and cotton that made the very warm comforter. He was only getting more beautiful in his husband’s eyes, putting his fragile body at risk to give them a normal family experience of raising a child of their own, and even though his wife saw weight gain and clumsiness, he saw kindness and love. “I love you and our babies Xiao Bin, rest well.”, the Consort whispered as he leant down to kiss his lovers lips, resisting the urge to do more. Food was important, and making sure the food in the kitchen was safe for consumption was equally important as bugs could harm their children and the King, and he didn’t meant any of those people to suffer more than necessary.

The King woke up after a few hours of dreams of pleasant dreams, mostly of two boys chasing his husband around with Kan, the royal guard dog. He yawned, stretching cautiously upon feeling a twang in his back, a problem the Consort could fix later, but felt more hungry than anything, because they hadn’t eaten a full breakfast and skipped out on lunch at the palace to meet the royal physician. “I’m hungry, where’s my two meals worth of food Xiao Qi, otherwise your baby Mama will leave you for a man who feeds him properly!”, he whined childishly, turning the corner to the kitchen with as much ninja skill as he could as a kind of fat and perpetually accident prone person. He was met with the sight of his two favourite things in the world, his lover, and a table full of food that smelled so good he started to actually drool. [A/N: Take note future partener, author-nim is a simple woman who wants food and a good man!] Jian Bin rushed over to the table, a little too eager to devour every piece of stir fried beef and other mouth watering dishes, but the Consort stopped him. “We can eat in the bedroom, it’s more comfortable for you and warm. Go get under the comforter and wait for me to bring the food in.”, he said firmly.

They had a lot of date nights in bed like that one, and the amount of tasks Jian Bin stayed in bed for increased over the next three months as the royal twins got bigger and moving around become very hard. Old physician Lee frequently came out to the mountain to check on his master, confirming indeed that there were two royal heirs, and that they were in excellent health as was their Mama. Consort Qi was overjoyed that his family was well and growing as it should be, and he was more than happy to treat his wife like a princess, giving him massages on demand, very gladly making love with him when he asked to, and had to make all kinds of weird food because he didn’t want his lover standing in the kitchen for longer than five minutes if possible not at all. The twins kicked at roughly six months, roughly because no one could tell exactly when they were conceived and assumed it was when the King drunk the herb tea, but actually they had been at it plenty of times after. The king was sewing a tiny Hanfu, and his husband was reading a book on how to care for a baby, when Jian Bin felt like his insides were being pummeled, and panicked thinking something serious was happening. The physician gently told them that they were overreacting, and that their babies would probably be good at martial arts with such strong kicks, as they sat there feeling slightly stupid.

At eight months, the twins finally got names. It had taken so long to find the right name, with a good meaning, and decide on what two to pick without throwing objects at each other and arguing like little kids fighting for the last candy in the bowl at daycare. Jian Bin wanted to name one a name beginning with Zi and one beginning with Ji, to imply there were indeed their kids by name and blood, and his husband was adamant on adding his favourite name, Hao, to both. “So you want to make a random name the second half of our son’s names! I actually have the idea that uses a part of both of our names, and I think that your idea is unoriginal, calling our kids after a horse you loved. Yeah maybe it’s the horse that bought us together, but really?”, Jian Bin argued in exasperation. The Consort nodded reluctantly, knowing that his wife said everything right and it was a horrible idea to annoy him when he was very hormonal, and had a tea set and pile of books in reach. It turned out the King had a great aim, unfortunately for his husband.

Eventually, they both agreed on a compromise, not after a little sweet talking and bribery on the Consort’s part, who felt exhausted from the constant requests for massages and weird food that required going to the local market at least. Jian Bin had agreed to name one Ji Hao, and the other Zi Hao, a combination of their ideas, assuming both were going to be boys from his maternal instinct, which his husband protested wasn’t real and got kicked on the shin from where he was sitting propped up on the bed. The babies kicked at their father’s exclamation of injustice, and the King could tell they were going to be Mama’s boys, secretly seeing Papa as a big idiot that would fall victim to so much coercion. These kids were going to be the death of him, if they continued to be as evil as they were unborn, and his wife would always tend to his wounds, but enjoy seeing the teasing. [A/N: Poor guy, his kids are making fun of him even though they aren’t born yet to laugh at his misfortune!]

Things seemed to quieten down a whole lot as the King drew nearer to when the physician predicted he would give birth to the twins, but it was only the calm before the storm for the royal couple. Jian Bin spent all of the time on bed rest by now, as walking was impossible for his tiny frame that was weighed down by two healthy children near delivery, and slept when he could. The Consort was worried how much his wife slept, seeming to eat less for all the napping and spent the duration of his waking time reading or cuddling with his husband, but the royal physician told him this was normal in some people. Some expecting mother’s slept and had very little energy, although too little energy could be a bad sign, while some gained energy for last minute preparations. The nursery in the palace was completed, put in a connecting room to the King’s so he could tend to the child at night because they had refused the help of a wet nurse or maid to look after their children. Of course, the King hadn’t seen it and the Consort made sure it would be a surprise when he was strong enough to walk, to see the gilt golden birds and phoenix’s painted on the walls around the quilted bamboo crib.

The storm, as Consort Qi called it, came a mere fortnight after the sudden relaxation, when the King started to complain about pain, luckily they had moved back the palace the day before so the royal physician was on hand immediately. “Call old Lee, Zi and Ji want to meet us a little earlier than predicted. I’ll be fine waiting, go Xiao Qi!”, Jian Bin whisper weakly, deliriously tossing and turning in the quest to find a comfortable position. His husband panicked, rushing to the physician a few doors down from the bedroom and virtually drag the elderly man to his wife, all the while babbling like an idiot about how he didn’t want his sweet spouse to suffer. The King had fainted in the time it took to rally the physician, but the Consort didn’t realise this was normal in some cases where the pain suddenly spiked and the person could not stay conscious throughout the spike, and ran round the room like a headless chicken. All the maids in the royal wing came running in response to the frantic cries of the Consort, and were dismissed duly, for the reason that they had no reason to be there.

The physician managed to miraculously calm down the Consort and fully work out what was wrong with the King. “His majesty needs help to deliver the royal twins, and I will need to perform a minor operation in the time he is unconsciously, Consort Qi. You need to keep him very calm if he wakes up at any point, or he and the twins could suffer.”, he commanded. The Consort showed less panic than beforehand, and the physician took this as an indicator that it was okay to start the surgery, asking two maids to hold a sheet up to stop the hysterical Consort and his wife screaming blue murder if they saw what he was doing. It really was difficult to deal with two idiots having a baby, especially when both had no idea how babies got out usually and how the process was significantly more messy and painful than what they were going through.

Jian Bin, the unfortunate soul, woke up from his faint just as the physician was stitching up the shockingly large incision on his middle. The sheet saved the day temporarily, hiding the substantial war wound, till the Consort helped him sit up so the royal physician could bandage over the fresh wound and all was revealed. “What the effing hell happened while I was out! Apparently I got sliced open and I don’t see any children for it, where are Ji Hao and Zi Hao, I want to hold my precious babies I carried for most of the year!”, he ranted. His husband sighed, and pressed a point on his neck, to make him go unconscious again long enough to bandage the fresh wound, dress and put his wife to bed like he should be after all the energy he used ranting.

An hour later when the twins were settled into their double crib, snug in the handmade clothes from the maids and their Mama, the King woke up again. This time thankfully, calm and slightly exhausted like he expected, but easy to pacify with the promise that he could see the twins if he ate some snacks and tea, which of course he did without thinking, feeling incredibly hungry anyway. Fortunately momentarily distracted from the urge to slap his stupid husband who would not tell him the full details of how the twins came into the world, he ate eagerly, needing to be reminded to not put any pressure on his stomach while eating. Then the moment of hell came for the Consort who had let his mouth flap too much, and started to whine about how long the royal physician took to conduct what he thought was a simple operation. He unknowingly awakened the demon hidden in his wife, the naggy and viciously tongued woman, as he called it, shaking every time he thought about the times when his sweet spouse turned into the devil incarnate.

[A/N: The Consort wasn’t originally this dumb, I just made him dumb to add humour lol. Really he was a smart general who cared deeply for his King and country *wipes a small river of tears away at the thought of my KiBin couple dying so tragically*]

“Okay Xiao Bin, if you really wanna hear the whole story I’ll tell you. It all started when you fainted and I-“, the Consort was cut off conveniently by the physician. The old man sighed, thinking of the idiots who had probably just cut ten years off of the last twenty he had left and how they could completely misunderstand the whole situation if he didn’t clear everything up. “You, your majesty, fainted from the pain of a nasty contraction, the Consort panicked and alerted he whole wing to come here when they could do nothing anyway. I then cut you open to get the twins out while I thought you would stay unconscious, but you woke up as I was finishing and shouted so much I asked your husband to put you back to sleep with a pressure point trick. I just checked on the royal twins who are sleeping after a bottle of goats milk, and as soon as I make sure the stitches are okay you can see them.”, he explained slowly.

Jian Bin cooperated after the promise to see his precious babies, and the physician was able to redress the long incision closed by a row of precise stitches, giving him a clean bill of health to visit the twins. He was amzed by the beautiful nursery, running his fingers along the crafted golden beasts in the bamboo jungle, then the pair of cribs made equally well from strips of bamboo and white silk padded with goose feathers to pad out the bottoms. “You did this for us, really Xiao Qi? It would have been totally acceptable for the twins to sleep in our room while the room was decorated, I want my babies close.”, the King babbled in disbelief. The Consort put a finger over his lips, making his wife stop, “No, actually Xiao Bin, I just helped you. The whole reason we had a nursery to prepare is because you were willing to risk your health to carry the twins and loved me, a previous General, so much as to give me everything we have now. You could have ignored me as an impossible lover but you went so far as to make me your Consort when that could have turned out horribly if the ministers weren’t so understanding. You have given so much, to Tianji, me, and our children, this nursery is nothing compared to your sacrifices.”, he replied lovingly.

The King and his Consort lived peacefully for many years with their twin Princes and Princess. How they lived peacefully ever after is another story, but all that mattered was their happiness.

[A/N: If you haven’t died from diabetes yet, I am nearly finished a a short drabble about them and their kids.
Feel free to check it out ^-^]

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